The Blonde and The Monster
by ShortSh4dow
Summary: After Yuuzan's party, Haru left without word to Shizuku. Now a month later, she is no longer sure if he is ever coming back. Should she wait and hold onto hope of his return or will she allow herself to move on with the help of a man that always seems to be there when she needs him the most?... - YamaShizu alternate plot line (some HaruShizu later on)


She didn't realize how painful it would be.

Shizuku detached herself from everything like she had always done, especially when it came down to studying. But this was the first time she felt too sick to study. She just stared at the book in front of her, unable to tell the difference between an integral and radical any longer. She thought she could always rely on her books, on the black and white facts to keep her straight. But now that she was surrounded by such uncertainty, she didn't know what to believe anymore. It left her so vulnerable, something she thought she'd never have to feel again. She guessed that's what she deserved by opening her heart once again. But no matter what she did, all she could do was think about him.

It really wasn't a surprise to her that Haru left after their fight. But it wasn't supposed to last. He was supposed to show up at school, attach himself to her as he had always done, and move past this with as little drama as possible. He wasn't supposed to be gone for weeks without a word. And surely he was not supposed to be worrying her like he was, leaving her to face such darkness. Everything was supposed to be fine.

But she never considered the possibility that he would never return.

The air in her room was suddenly suffocating, the pressure threatening to break her sanity. Shizuku stood and walked out of her room, taking her coat and bag with her as she did. She didn't know how far she would even venture out, just that she needed air. Even after she walked outside, she still felt like she was trapped behind invisible walls, unable to escape from the thoughts in her head. She had never realized what kind of hold Haru had on her mind, how easily it was for him to occupy her thoughts. It was a hazard she should've seen coming. Nothing good could come from attaching oneself emotionally to another. The only result of doing so would be the hollow pain that wouldn't leave from its home in the chest. _If only she could lose interest_…

She ended up wandering for a while until she found herself at the park. It was nearing the end of the day, the setting sun lit up the park with a golden glow. Shizuku lowered herself onto one of the steps where she could overlook the main walkway. Many happy couples passed by, laughing and holding hands. The sight made her feel sick. She just wanted to yell at them, tell them that none of that was going to last_ – that love was just an illusion – _and they would only get their hearts broken.

_If it's an illusion, why do people purposely seek love?_

She kicked the leaves on the stairs, smashing them under her boot. She remembered when she thought it made her feel good to be in such a relationship. She knew from the start what love meant; she had looked it up. But she let Haru guide her away from sense, as she always allowed him to do. It was a foolish thing to do. She had no need for a relationship like that. She did just fine before they met. Why did he have to take her away from that blissful ignorance? Why did he have to show her friendship and love?And why did he have to show her the pain of losing someone?

She stomped a little harder on the leaves. There was a lesson to learn there. Love was a stupid illusion, meant only to last for a short while until it faded or reality settled in. Love was something full of pain, so full of _regret_…

"I can't possibly imagine what those leaves did to offend you…"

_If you don't hold any regret in your choice…_

Shizuku froze, the crunching sound dying under her boot. She glanced up at the man as the wind picking up his blonde hair across his eyes. He looked slightly annoyed as he stood there, somewhat of a permanent expression, but she couldn't mistake the faint smile upon his lips. She was pretty sure he didn't even realize he was doing so. But seeing it made her feel a little more at ease. She just stared at him, interestingly not surprised that it was he who appeared at this time of distress.

"Yamaken."

…_that means you must've made the right decision._

The man watched her, as if he was gauging her volatility. Yamaken circled around, not once taking his eyes off of her. Many times before he tried to practice acting normal around her, like he didn't give a care at all. But in the end nothing had changed at all. He still couldn't stop the rapid beating in his chest when she was around. His mind still turned to a mess when conversing with her. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pry his eyes away.

She, however, had already diverted her gaze elsewhere. Sadly, her attention landed on a couple leaning into each other, laughing at each other's whispers. The pain in her heart contracted, making her expression twist. She could hear him suddenly halt beside her the moment she felt herself losing control. When she looked back up at him, she felt the tears finally fall from her eyes. She quickly looked away, trying to rub away the evidence.

"I-I just got something in my eye…don't think too much about it." After a few minutes she gave up on wiping away the tears. Her watery eyes again rested on the couple, her pain growing dull. "There's nothing to be done now, anyway. What's done is done. We've all made our choices."

_But no matter what you choose…_

He sat down beside her, following her line of sight. He sighed as he laced his fingers together in front of him. It had been almost a month since Haru left. It didn't really bother Yamaken. They weren't good friends to begin with so it wasn't like he missed the man. But it was constantly on his mind because he knew it was the source of Shizuku's unhappiness. He understood how much Haru meant to her and now she was hurting because of the man. She didn't deserve that. Yamaken bit his lip. At least _he_ wouldn't treat her like that. "You know, it's not your fault." He pressed his lips together, his eyes locked onto the leaves blowing at their feet. He couldn't handle looking into her eyes at the moment. "Haru was the one who overreacted and left you. There is nothing wrong with you or your choice. You're fine…just the way you are."

Shizuku's heart tightened again, making her look up at Yamaken. Her eyes were wide, taking him all in. He had such a serious look on his face, one she couldn't remember ever seeing before. The last time he was even remotely serious with her….well, it was when he had confessed – _when he had the confidence she would fall for him. _Her heart was throbbing, like it had been forced to beat again. Seeing this side of Yamaken…it was something she wished to see more of.

…_a person will always continue to imagine the untaken path._

He turned away from her stares, blushing harder than he would've liked. He was so used to her not really giving him a second look that he didn't know what to do with the attention. He tried not to read too much into it; she was probably thinking about how much better her grades were than his this term or about dinner options. He doubted she ever thought about him outside of their meetings. Haru was her whole life, a new wall that had been built around her. But now with Haru gone, he wasn't sure what it would mean for the two of them. Could he swoop in and take her for himself? But it was never that easy, was it? Even with that monster gone, nothing had really changed.

Yet he did not realize that, to Shizuku, _everything_ had changed.

Shizuku abruptly stood, dusting off her skirt. She tried her best to keep her eyes off of Yamaken, his presence suddenly too much for her. The trails of tears were still on her cheeks, her eyes red-rimmed. She knew she was making a scene and now receiving some odd looks from the people walking past but she really couldn't get herself to care. She just wanted it all to stop. She was tired of feeling so worn and tired – _from feeling so empty_. She was frustrated with herself, that she couldn't contain her feelings. She had always done a good job of it before, keeping it in constant check and hiding it when she could behind her studying. But since Haru had broken through….she had felt incredibly unstable and had no idea how to fix it without him.

She turned to leave – _to run_ – but Yamaken had her by the arm, preventing her from walking away. Shizuku tried to pull away but was unsuccessful. A painful expression settled in her features. "Yamaken, I-I need to go…to study…"

But, from the pain on her face, he knew she was lying. Yet as they finally locked eyes, he felt incapable of helping her, knowing that no amount of words would soothe her aching heart. He had never wanted more than in that moment to be the one that could relieve her pain, to be on the receiving end of her love… "I want to be here for you…if you'll let me."

She felt her breaths growing shallower. She stared into his golden brown eyes, feeling her heart pick up its pace. This feeling was not what she wanted right now. It only amplified the hollow pain in her heart. "Please, Yamaken. Don't do this."

He felt a pain shock him through his heart. Her eyes were distant as they were on him, like she saw right through him. It made him feel incredibly vulnerable. He could easily recall all the times she had given him this look before, when Haru was nearby. She never saw anyone but that man. Yamaken sighed. He really thought he'd be able to talk with her. _That she would come to him_. His thoughts turned fretful, which made his hand loosen its grip on her. Shizuku took her chance to slip away, stumbling a couple steps past him. She glanced over her shoulder, giving him one last painful look before starting off.

He was not aware of the conflicting emotions in her heart at that moment, just as he didn't see her begin to cry again. And he had no idea that those tears weren't for Haru this time…but for the other man that was in love with her.


End file.
